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"And sometimes the only way to move forward is to let go of all our cherished ideas about the way things 'ought' to be, so that we can begin the work with things as they are."

~Katrina Kenison, "the gift of an ordinary day"

I struggle, but work on this each day.

Really, I work on this each moment. We never have a bad day here. More like a series of bad moments. Sometimes the bad outweighs the good. That is usually the case. But we keep trying. It will never be how it 'ought' to be. I mourn that. I struggle with that. I cry alone on my back staircase or in my car over this. I allow myself those moments because I do know how fortunate my family is. Oh, how it could be so much harder and tragic. But I need to allow myself to feel fully so I can begin the work with things as they are.

I love that little guy.

Even when I say I hate him.

Especially then.

My sons are my life's work.

Epiphany

It's not the clothes that make me look fat. It's the fat that makes me look fat.