Fat Blasting

Here's my exercise plan:

Mondays: 60 minutes Strength class

30 minutes Step class

Tuesdays: 60 minutes Kickboxing

45 minutes Zumba (not my first choice, but it comes right after)

Wednesday: day of errands, school volunteering, body rest

Thursday: 60 minutes Cardio Drill class (mother freaking hard, constant hell sweat class)

45 minutes Circuit class

Friday: 60 minutes Pilates

45 minutes Punch & Crunch (a killer kickboxing/ab crunch class)

This equals 6 hours 45 minutes of exercise over 4 days. I try to do something active on the weekend since I can't get to class Saturday morning because Murphy has a skating class since he is going to be starting hockey (yay...he finally chose a sport he wants to play! and boo, it is the one with the biggest early morning, all weekend commitment and humongous financial cost.) Sunday mornings is Zumba at 8:00 am and there is no way I am giving up my one day to sleep beyond 7:00 am for that wacky class. Besides, once it snows, I will be on the slopes skiing or in some cases, walking down the mountain with Murphy when he decides he doesn't want to ski anymore...either way it's a workout...if we can ever get to the mountain between the kids' sports on the weekend.

I have literally sweated more in these classes than I ever have in my entire life. I feel fantastic, but I do also feel like the cute, jolly chubby girl in every class. The token overweight girl. I am the fattest woman in every class. And I am not that fat. But next to them, I look like giganto girl. I swear one woman's two thighs equal one of my calves. Everyone else is so fit and slim. Obviously they have been doing this for a long time. I take the classes very seriously and work hard to do the moves properly to get the most out of it. That said, the instructors really spend extra time with me...they know I want to do it correctly and that I am really motivated to get into shape. Sometimes I feel like others must think I am a fat dumb ass who just can't get it right. It makes me laugh. Others in the class aren't necessarily doing their kickboxing moves right, but the teachers don't spend as much time with them because they have not shown the same dedication that I have. Plus, they're skinny so who cares?

What is slightly annoying is when another person in class corrects me like I am the class mascot or something. "Hi everyone! I'm on my own biggest loser show and you all are my freaking trainers...if you see me doing something you don't like that the instructor hasn't noticed, please feel free to come over to me and physically move my arms on the weight bar to where you think I should be holding it. Great. Thanks...because really I love being showcased in class as the village idiot. It's not enough for me to point it out on my own."

I'm just tired here and feel a little rough around the edges. I am busting my ass and making myself vulnerable by showing these trainers that I need them to get on me and then to have another person in class who I do not know, who I have never even casually talked to, start to correct me in a sort of know it all way (not in a hey, just helping out way)...and then to not really show the kind of loss on the scale that I think I deserve kind of bugs me. Oh yeah, and then to learn that the woman in class who is totally fit and lost 90 pounds a few years ago had gastric bypass surgery was kind of a let down. I know she still had to do the work and has to maintain the weight loss, but it just didn't feel like the same thing I am doing. Granted, I only have 40 pounds to lose.

I just keep going to class and do my best. It hurts like hell, but I actually do think about those contestants on the Biggest Loser and think that if they can do it for 6 hours a day, I can hack 1 1/2 hours. I also tell myself, just one more, one more when my thighs are burning like hell from numerous squats and kicks.

One more. I can do that.

Busy Days

I have to write a post tomorrow night or Thursday. I have been so busy with my...get this...work out schedule. I have been doing two classes back to back at the little gym I go to. I figure I have some catching up to do.

I wasn't going to do 2 classes today, but when Anne, one of the instructors came out to my car (yes, indeed...but I was parked right in front. It wasn't like she came out to a big parking lot to hunt me down) to ask if I was going to the next class and said, "c'mon, you'll burn another 500 calories", I hopped out of the car and went back in. This was after a hard 1 hour kickboxing class. At first I said, "oh, i'm too busy." But then I was like 'Really, Julie? Too busy? The laundry and dishes can wait."

I am doing the double classes 3 days a week and 1 class on Mondays. The total hours of working out is 6 hours and 15 minutes. I have not added the weekend yet as Murphy has skating on Saturday mornings (he wants to play ice hockey...ridiculously expensive and HUGE time commitment, but he's really interested so we are exploring it.)

I am supposed to be helping Murphy with a bath and Tom just busted me on the laptop. Got to run...

3.6 Steps Forward, .4 Steps Back

I did go to my ghetto WW meeting. I swear it is just like therapy there. It is all because of this amazing Leader. Plus there were only 8 of us total. Well therapy in which I do not talk the whole time about myself...but I take it all in. I felt so good after.

I had to own this gain and it turned out to only be .4 lbs.

So the chicken did have to move backwards.

A Bucket

Murphy's response to the question, "What's your favorite toy to play with at home?" on a 'Getting to Know You' worksheet for school:

"Um, a bucket?"

Yes, it is true he has been playing a lot with this big blue toy bucket lately, but seriously?

I told him that he could not write that. He's like "Why? I've been playing with it a lot."

Me: "You just can't."

The teacher will think he's a real weirdo.

Me: "It doesn't tell the teacher anything about you."

Or does it?

One of the other questions was, "Tell me something about your friends."

After much thought, Murphy wrote "I don't much about them." Huh? She just wants to know a name or two. Or that you like to play Pokemon with them or whatever. What do you mean you don't know much about them??

Um, okay. I tried to help with these questions. I guess his answers will have to do. I think his answers are quite telling in what we have to deal with here.

Well, I guess he doesn't know to lie to make himself sound better yet;)

Focus was Rear-Ended

All it takes is one thing to knock me off my focus. I got rear-ended in my car on Friday coming out of mecca--Whole Foods--and I swear my focus was rear ended. Plus it was the weekend so it was not the same schedule. I am annoyed with myself. I didn't lose any weight this week. In fact, the scale is up. It's not like a binged. I mean I really didn't eat that much more. I was just unfocused and did not stay within my points. I did hike a mountain on Sunday. That should count for something.

On a good note, I went back to the gym and took a kickboxing class. It was so good to be back. It was a hard class and I felt fat, defeated and depleted...plus at one point, I kind of felt like throwing up. But I did it. I can't get back there until Friday.

I will get my focus back on. I have to. Tom started working out every day and he says he will give me serious shit if I continue this complaining about being fat, but not do anything about it.

That said, I am not going to WW tonight. I feel a little loser-ish about it, but I just can't afford to pay them for a weight gain. I mean, who gains a pound back on their 2nd week? I should still be in the couple of pounds off mode. I will go next week no matter what. If I don't lose weight next week then I guess I will just keep exercising and eating right until I do...as opposed to my old ways which would be to eat more food and sulk on the couch.

That is not who I want to be.

On another note, I had a very vivid dream last night about the last house I lived in with my parents more than 20 years ago. I guess it would be my childhood home. I lived in it from 6th grade until college. And for reasons I can't figure out, some landscape people came to cut down some huge trees we had in the back yard. Everything felt so familiar. I can't figure out what any of this means. Weird.

For Hire: Someone to do homework with my kid

Murphy has been demanding that I homeschool him next year. He would prefer if I started right this minute though. His idea of homeschooling is surely comprised of him doing lots of crazy science experiments and watching tv. Oh, and eating lots of snacks. He also said that he would get a 20 minute recess. He didn't seem to care that there would be no other kids to play with.

After working with him on his homework tonight, I told Tom that I would sooner kill myself than homeschool Murphy. Okay, I lie. I said that to Tom WHILE I was attempting to get Murphy to do his homework...with him sitting right next to me. Don't worry I put a nickle in his therapy jar. The three words he wrote on the worksheet took a half hour. 3 seconds to write it interspersed with 29 minutes and 57 seconds worth of meltdowns on how he does not want to do it.

He's a smart, creative kid.

He's a smart ass and funny as hell.

And some days, he's just hell.

The Second Day of School

Murphy woke up this morning and declared that he was not going to school today. He said that his stomach felt sick. I said something to the affect of 'wishing' he felt better or whatever and his repsonse:

"I wish I had a parent who knew right from wrong (I am not kidding, he said this) and know that it is wrong to send their child to school when they feel sick."

I had to laugh. He is seven years old.

The good news is that he did indeed go to school and though he told me that he was going to the nurse's office right away (and I sat in the parking lot resisting the urge to go into the school to check on him), I know he did not. I called the nurse around 10:30. She said she had not seen him today. The nurse said that she thinks that it is a match made in heaven with regard to his teacher. She is a mother hen type who has no kids of her own and thinks of the kids as hers...in a good way.

I think it will be like this until the very last day of his senior year in high school.

My Chicken is Moving!!

I went to my first weigh-in and I am down 3.6 pounds and that is with Aunt Flo (thanks Heather for the funny lingo) presently visiting. Another really good meeting. I think I have really lucked out with this group and leader. Everyone is so committed.

First day of school for the boys. Everything went well until Murphy got to school. He was nervous about going to school. I dropped him off and parked so I could go in and drop off all of their school supplies. Huge amount of people in the hallway waiting to go their classrooms. I spot Jack and ask him where Murphy is. He says, he asked to go to the bathroom. Uh oh. That can only mean one thing...he is the nurse's office. Poor kid threw up...he totally wills it. The nurse knew it was first day of school jitters, but was a little concerned by the color of the vomit. She had me come to the bathroom to check it out (sorry...it is not as gross as it sounds like it is going to be). I knew what the problem would be. The vomit was a purple-blue. My kids eat super healthy foods 90% of the time. I always get a super special sugar cereal for the first week of school. Today it was Boo-Berry cereal, which they love. Anyone remember that cereal? It is a blue box with a silly ghost on the package. I know I am getting older and more relaxed as a parent since I didn't feel the need to let the nurse know all of the other healthy foods my kids ate this morning and that this was 'special', etc. I didn't feel judged, nor did I care. I guess that is progress as parent and as a person. I know I am a good mom even with the occasional 'candy-like' cereal:)

Anyway, he eventually made it to class after lounging on one of the beds in the nurse's office. His teacher is FANTASTIC. Jack also had a great day and has the best 4th grade teacher at the school...so I have been told.

Yay on the chicken moving! I had to adjust how much weight I am aiming to lose to follow what my initial weigh-in weight was at WW.