Be here. In this moment. Well, not really just a moment. I really mean this time when my boys are on the cusp of not needing me. They think they don't need me so much anymore, but they do. More than they know.
As I listened to the thunderstorm last night, I lay in bed thinking about how much my boys have grown. Even in the last few months. I kept trying to convince myself that the years to come will move slowly.
I look at their faces and still see the little baby boy. I imagine I always will. Those clear blue eyes are the same ones I looked into when I cradled them when they were so new to this world.
I want to snuggle on the couch with my two babies. Those days when I was always so tired that I would drift in and out of sleep as we lay there.
I want to set up the chairs in the dining room with the boys and pretend we are on a choo-choo train on the way to the beach. Or the ice cream stand. Or up over the mountain with our cars filled full of good things for boys and girls.
Those days when that was enough.
Those days when I did not have to try to pull words from my boys so I can know how their day was because I was right there with them. Every moment of the day.
It is morning now. I sit here watching them. Just absorbing all that they are.
It will have to be enough.
I know how you feel. I can't believe how fast time flies. Kent is ready to start Kindergarten and I just can't believe it. He's getting so big. I still pick him up and cradle him and it's amazing that this is the same little boy that could fit curled up in one arm. Next year, I probably won't be able to pick him up anymore.
ReplyDeleteYes. I know exactly what you mean. I think your boys will need you so much in the coming years, just in different ways. But the ways they need us when they're little are so precious. And complete. And yes, enough!
ReplyDeleteLuke is just barely getting to that age of getting a little more independent and Sam -well- when he's Luke's age, he'll be apartment shopping, that kid has one hyper-extreme independent streak. (But is still scared of the dark.)
Uuuuuugh. stupid parenting. We're supposed to raise these people and then LET THEM GO. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it.
This is seriously beautiful writing....you ARE a wonderful mama!!
ReplyDeleteMy guys are 11 and 14 now, and they still know they need me. Yes, as Katieo said, in different ways than before, but just as much. Instead of getting them dressed, you help them navigate academic or social situations; and sometimes, really, it is even more gratifying -because it is a choice they are making to ask for your ideas and listen to your opinions, and you can feel that they value what you have to say. Yes, in ways I miss those baby days, their small perfection, and there are times when I look at them when I still can see the way they were and I feel melancholy. But they will still need you... for longer than you think. In certain ways, for always. And it is still as sweet. I think as they get older they actually do appreciate more what we do as moms. I think they can see the sacrifice and the unmeasurable love. Even my guy with ADD...
ReplyDeleteThanks Gigs.
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