Tuesday, August 10, 2010


I wish I could stop time. Just for a bit.

Be here. In this moment. Well, not really just a moment. I really mean this time when my boys are on the cusp of not needing me. They think they don't need me so much anymore, but they do. More than they know.

As I listened to the thunderstorm last night, I lay in bed thinking about how much my boys have grown. Even in the last few months. I kept trying to convince myself that the years to come will move slowly.

I look at their faces and still see the little baby boy. I imagine I always will. Those clear blue eyes are the same ones I looked into when I cradled them when they were so new to this world.

I want to snuggle on the couch with my two babies. Those days when I was always so tired that I would drift in and out of sleep as we lay there.

I want to set up the chairs in the dining room with the boys and pretend we are on a choo-choo train on the way to the beach. Or the ice cream stand. Or up over the mountain with our cars filled full of good things for boys and girls.

Those days when that was enough.

Those days when I did not have to try to pull words from my boys so I can know how their day was because I was right there with them. Every moment of the day.

It is morning now. I sit here watching them. Just absorbing all that they are.

It will have to be enough.