Friday, August 28, 2009

My WW meeting at the trailer park

I was a bit nervous about going to this WW meeting. First, because I knew I had to make the commitment to myself and I was afraid I would let myself down. Second, because the location of the meeting was not ideal. We don't have meetings in my town. Plus this meeting was the only day and time that I could attend.

The meeting took place inside of a church like many of them do.Usually a basement, which is what I assumed this one to be. My expectations of what a church would look like differed from this particular site. We have beautiful white churches in our town with big steeples. I figured it would not look exactly like those, but I thought it would still look like a church. Or rather, what I was used to. I actually drove right by it and then did a double take. When I lived in the Jamaica Plain section of Boston for many years, there were these storefront churches that always seemed a bit sketchy and voo doo. So when I turned around into the small lot to a similar looking 'stand alone' building, I was a little weary. Naturally the building abutted a trailer park--in which a shirtless dude was mowing his 'lawn.' There was also a dumpster in the corner of the lot with a ton of know, like rusty old bed frames and the like. I was unsure if the trash belonged to the church or the trailer park.

It was a tiny building...more like a mobile home (hmmm...maybe there is a connection between the church and the trailer its followers all live there;) ) with no less than 5 entrances. Most of them with wooden ramps for wheelchairs...which seemed kind of strange since it was all one level. Anyway, the only thing that got me in the place was the fact that the other cars in the lot were all normal, if not nicer cars (but not too nice or I would have been even more freaked out.) It took me 3 doors before I found the right one.

I walked in, signed up and went into a tiny little chapel room with about 12 chairs and a raised platform. The people all looked normal and behaved normally. The leader was fantastic. Because the meeting was so small, it was like she was talking to you (okay, I was feeling vulnerable so maybe it just felt that way.) Bonus: I did not know anyone. I feel right now this is a private journey (I feel ridiculous using that word--journey. I cringe when others use it with regard to weight loss, but I didn't want to take the time to figure out a different word.) It has been about 4 years since I have gained all of this weight. I have been talking about losing weight to people I know--family, friends, people in stores, people at kids' school, neighbors, etc--for so long and have actually gained weight that I need to do this quietly.

No one talked about how to fit their twinkies or fast food into their points. People seemed serious to be there. Really, this is not a location that you would just go to for the fun of it. Also, it is not near any stores unlike my last location so you would not tag it onto other errands like I used to.

I feel better already.

I am reclaiming myself.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


More on the WW meeting later. I'm getting the kids to bed. Then tomorrow Tom took the day off as a last 'summer hurrah' and we are going for a day trip to...where else?...Vermont! We are checking out a town that is only 2 hours away to see if we might want to live there. Tom said he'd do a 2 hour commute if it all worked out well. The trick to living in Vermont is to try to keep one's Massachusetts salary.

I feel so great about going to the meeting.

I think Teddy is with me right now;) I made sure the kids knew not to fight today as it was a day of mourning. Seriously. I am a huge Kennedy Democrat. Or was:(

Say what you want about his personal life, but that man was a tiger for the underdog.

Almost Time

It is nearly time to leave to go to my first Weight Watchers meeting...well, the first one in a long, long time.

I am nervous.

Nervous that I won't make it work.

But I have to be successful. I know I am the only thing in my way.

I think it may be a good sign that I am nervous.

It means more this time.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Shorty Got Fat

Tom just asked me if my fancy little weight tracker on the side of the blog also tracked weight I shoved a handful or four of Goldfish into my fat little face.

Very funny.

Besides I did not officially start yet. It's not 'official-official' until I get weighed in at Weight Watchers next Wednesday at 6 pm. I am not saying I am going to gorge myself until then. I am pretty darn close to my 9 month pregnancy weight (but not pregnant so, well, at least it's not all in my stomach. It's in my butt, thighs and hips, too!) so I am beyond wanting to pig out on sweets (says the girl who bought 3 containers of candy at Trader Joe's on Tuesday night--almond coconut things, dark chocolate caramels and some kind of delicious fruit gel things--because I have had my eye on them since the beginning of time and never, ever would have allowed myself to buy them because I would eat them all so I did it spontaneously knowing that it all had to stop.) After that.

I am beyond beating myself up for allowing myself to get so overweight. I am also trying to get beyond beating myself up for being overweight. I am who I am. But I want to be a better me. I want to lose this extra weight so I am more comfortable with myself and so I will someday be an old lady skiing down a mountain with my grandkids.

So here's the plan:

Go back to Weight Watchers meetings (at least to jump start myself)
Start back at the gym in September when the kids are back in school (kick boxing, strength)
Yoga on Wednesday mornings at 6:00 am

That's all for now since if I over plan, I'll end up doing nothing. Eat less, move more.

PS I do have to confess that I keep looking at the little chicken on the weight tracker to see if I have lost any weight yet.

Ta Da!

Off to a new start again.

For real.