Tuesday, June 4, 2013

The day had started so promising.

Oy fucking vey. My child argued with his teacher (sped teacher...remember he refuses to go to school so he has his own deal going on) about how he shouldn't have to wear shoes throughout the school. He gets to just wear his socks in his classroom. He said, "But I'm a toe walker!" and "you just threw that on me!" Oh and he let her know that he doesn't like the way she treats him. Which makes me actually chuckle. Because it is so ridiculous. For the record, this woman is completely awesome and totally gets him and understands kids on the spectrum and that he is trying to gain some control in his world.

I was surprised that he had such a bad day because he had walked into the school by himself for the second time--yesterday being the first time--since I don't remember when...last fall maybe. I was actually in the office picking him up, gloating happily, telling the people in the office (who all know us so well by now) and the guidance counselor and the Sped liasion who all happened to come by. And then his teacher came to the door. Without M. And said that we needed to talk.

My boy should have been getting autism support since kindergarten. ABA therapy, the works. But he is so 'intriguing' and intelligent and witty and funny and interesting that his autism got overlooked. So now here he is in 5th grade, middle school in our town, starting from scratch with the supports. I cried. And when the Sped liasion asked what was wrong when she then saw me sad, M's teacher said I felt guilty. Guilty because of all the stuff that should have happened for M. years ago. No, I don't feel guilty. I feel angry. Angry because I searched and searched and no one helped me. So we kept trying to support and raise M. thinking we must be doing something all wrong. But in actuality, we were raising a child on the autism spectrum for 11 1/2 years and didn't even know it. I say we are fucking heros. I don't feel guilty.  I'm mad. But I have to keep moving on and doing what he needs now. I can't help but look back even though everyone tells me I shouldn't.

So tomorrow his teacher is going to work with M on his 'stresses' and will use starburst as an incentive. And it will work because my child is on the autism spectrum and he loves starburst. Or it may not work at all and he will tell her that he is 'done with her'--he told her he was 'done with the TLC' (the classroom/program that he is in.)

It's all kind of funny. Because it's true.


  1. So. Totally off-topic. When I heard that Matt Smith was leaving Dr. Who at the end of the year I was totally sad. I have the biggest crush on him. And you know my very first thought? What will M think?? Will he care? Will he be as crushed as I am?? haha. I prolly need to make more friends who like that show.
    Eh, more friends period.

    Anyway, I'm sorry I was such a hard day. We are just starting to run into issues with 5th grade, too. Obvs. not the same but I know what you mean - I've been struggling the kid's WHOLE LIFE. It would've been nice if someone would've even just mentioned in kindergarten: "Hey. He's got issues. Here's what to do." The older he gets, the harder it gets in the areas that he struggles.
    Crossing my fingers for you that he's in the mood to like starburst tomorrow. ;)

    p.s. I kind of wish you had a camera crew following you.

  2. You are on my call list! Have been for about a month but... you know. life. Oh, and since I can say it here... Matt just interviewed for a job in Indianapolis.

    "Crossing my fingers for you that he's in the mood to like starburst tomorrow. ;)"

    me, too!

  3. Oh sweet Julie, You are totally a hero, a rockstar-you are rocking the shit out of this parenthood thing!!! Hang in there, keep pushing - doing what is best for your kids and fighting for them!!! You're the best and not a day goes by that I do not think of you guys!!! XO

  4. Yes, Julie! We also didn't start getting help until 6th grade. It's so crazy (CRAZY!!) how hard it is to find the right resources and information and process. And we struggled for years feeling alone. All that lost time... it makes me sad and mad too. But look how far you've come and all you've figured out and what a great advocate you are. You are awesome, and so is M. Just keep on keeping on, lady. BTW, how many more days of school do you have this year?

    Mrs. F. ~ Indianapolis!

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