Friday, October 15, 2010

The Day I cried at the hair salon

The boys had haircut appointments after school. I prepped Murphy on this for days.

We got to the place and he decided he was not going to get a haircut and he would not get out of the car. He is 9 years old. It is not like when you are dealing with a crabby 3 year old and you have to pull them out of the car. I can't get him out. He keeps locking the doors. I am only 5 feet tall so he is not that much shorter than me. Plus, how crazy it must have looked for a mom to be trying to get a non-toddler to get out of the car. We were parked in front of a coffee shop. We must have been interesting entertainment.

Anyway, I had to leave him in there to run up and bring Jack into the place. The hair salon people are like 'Looks like you are missing one child." I look at them and say, "Murphy won't get out of the car." Then I burst out into tears. Like sobbing. And I am so embarrassed and even more embarrassed for Jack because who's mom does this? He is in 5th grade in Middle School. They don't want their mom to embarrass them. And I am crying. And laughing. Because I look like a freaking nut. Jack suddenly got incredibly interested in some burning candles at the place and would not look over at me. The women at the place were awesome. Most of them are all moms and they have known me for years now. It is a swanky new location and it is upstairs so I keep looking out the window down at the car to check on Murphy. And to make sure no cops have come by to check out the kid alone in the car.

I go back out to the car to check on Murphy. I clearly have been, I never really stopped. Murphy, completely unfazed, asks me why I took his backpack. Then why did I take so long. I tell him, Well I burst out crying. I can't remember if he even asked me why. I gave him his backpack so he could work on his homework. And I sat in the front and cried. Is that an Asperger type response? I mean him, not me.

After we got home, he ran into the house because he had to go to the bathroom. He yelled out to me because he needed me for something. I was getting all of his stuff...he took his shoes and socks off in the car. He does that a lot. Because I did not drop everything and run to him, he called me a bad word. I am so embarrassed that my sweet little boy called me this name that I can't even say it. This isn't the only part of him.

I sat in the car and sobbed and sobbed. He ran out and gave me a hug and said he was sorry for treating me so badly. It was sort of a canned response though. Like he was supposed to say it. He said it and then said something else completely off topic. Then he ran back in to do his homework.

I can't even talk about this whole incident with him because he does not seem to really get what was not okay with it. I don't know how to fully explain this to someone who does not live this. It is like he doesn't remember. That was then, this is now. He would give me a perfectly good explanation if he even acknowledged it.

Yesterday was the day I cried at the hair salon.


  1. Just so you know...I can not relate to your life. I have never been there. My youngest is a junior in high school, so I will probably never be there.

    I won't pretend to be able to see where you are coming from because I don't know what it's like (outside of what you describe)and can't even begin to imagine what you go through.

    But, your strength must be amazing! Your fortitude and resilience is phenomenal!

    Buck up and stay strong! You are doing a great job, even on the days you want to run away...

  2. Ah, Julie. My sister. I cried on a playdate. And many more places that I can't even remember.

    Because you asked. Yes. That is an Asperger's type response. Most kids would at least ask why you were crying. Also, the "canned" apology, and especially the off topic comment right after. Another thing is the not "getting" what is wrong with what he is doing. I don't think those things alone say that he is on the spectrum, but yes, those are things that kids on the spectrum do.

    I am really nervous about what will happen when Kent is too big for me to pick up and force him to do this or that. Or to coerce into doing this or that. I don't have to physically force him to do or not do things much anymore, but there is a LOT of negotiating and sort of "tricking" him to do things. I'm scared about what happens when that no longer works.

    Let me know if you have any other Autism questions. I'm by no means an expert, but I'm getting there. Ugh.

  3. Running in Alabama,
    Thank you so much for your supportive words. You have no idea how much they touched me. I get through this with a wicked sense of humor.

    My head is killing me...I have a bad headache and have come down with a cold. I will definitely be emailing you,etc about all this stuff. Just not until I feel better. Not like any of this is going to go away before then!

    To both Running in AL, Robin and everyone else who reads this: I am kind of amused with myself. I just went off the other day about how well I keep myself together in public, how I don't act overwhelmed, etc. I think I was rather indignant about it. And then, the very next day or so, I burst out in tears in a public place among people who are acquaintances, not like friends or family members.

  4. I typed up an entire comment and then never got to hit publish. Basically I think you need to post everyday and then publish a book out of your posts and rake in those royalty checks (you need SOME sort of compensation, heh.)

    As for the emotionless "canned" responses. We go through the same thing sometimes and I hate it. Maybe because I'm such a basketcase that I simple don't get the lack of empathy and think it's weird that THAT needs to be taught.

    But your posts make me laugh Julie. As hard as this is, I love your humor - what else can you do right? (...well, I guess you can burst out in tears at a hair salon, lol...)