On a good note, I went back to the gym and took a kickboxing class. It was so good to be back. It was a hard class and I felt fat, defeated and depleted...plus at one point, I kind of felt like throwing up. But I did it. I can't get back there until Friday.
I will get my focus back on. I have to. Tom started working out every day and he says he will give me serious shit if I continue this complaining about being fat, but not do anything about it.
That said, I am not going to WW tonight. I feel a little loser-ish about it, but I just can't afford to pay them for a weight gain. I mean, who gains a pound back on their 2nd week? I should still be in the couple of pounds off mode. I will go next week no matter what. If I don't lose weight next week then I guess I will just keep exercising and eating right until I do...as opposed to my old ways which would be to eat more food and sulk on the couch.
That is not who I want to be.
On another note, I had a very vivid dream last night about the last house I lived in with my parents more than 20 years ago. I guess it would be my childhood home. I lived in it from 6th grade until college. And for reasons I can't figure out, some landscape people came to cut down some huge trees we had in the back yard. Everything felt so familiar. I can't figure out what any of this means. Weird.